What If

I was Pablo Montoa
The sky was green
I had a Bugutti
I could be fishing right now
was finished with School
I never Lied
I had kids
was married
I said good-bye
It got easier as you went
I had a million dollars
We started this Gym
I moved to Austrilla
When i got Out i was Free
I was debt free
I was running again
the scars healed
I had a pair of Beets
i could grow a garden
I would get out of here
The stuff under my nails was bluish
my life was bed a roses
I didnt need English
I was a teacher
I was a coach
I ran in the Olympic
Edgar Hoover was still alive
JFK had never been shot
We knew the true 911 story
school shooting never happened

The images of the bend just around the next corner still haunt my brain and tear at me wanting to come back to see them its like no one ive ever embraed before its like a sunday morning strool for thos who have no clue what is all about but for me my kyropotinate the things thats pulls me bck to you is the sweet silentness of a lure just plooping in the water when i chuck it across the sac rivver. You would never think that something so easy something that just tears aways at you every day that is nice outside all the time that you are sitting inside at you job when you could be out there on the slops of the river and just cast after cast after cast of nothing else but the sound of the line whizzing off of the reel and tehn  you hear the sound of a turtle slip off a log toward the bank. Sometimes  you hear the deep bellow of a an innocent frog just lurkigng in the shadows for a fly or better yet a group of thos pesky nats that seem to just swarm around your head as soon as you hit a honey hole that day. But thats why you are there it not the reason you come to just complain about how hot it is or how good the water looks and  you wish you could come in it the times that you sit on the bank it the moments when the sun just comes through a break in the trees and you can stare directly at it and it doesnt burn you eyes. or the times when you caught in a tree and you know your not coming out of that dang thing because you not only threw it up in there but you have also jsat back and yank and pryed and pulled and gave it slack and you just watch as it entwine with the limb above and below the one that you originally threw it on to. or the moment when you have a fish all the way up to bank and as soon as you go to grab it and feel the sweet flow of vistcroy through you body that you realize her just swimmed off my lured that little suckedr. I love the monents when you ar on the banks have to retie your line and you critize anyone else who is with yo ubecause they dont tie there knots the way your grandpa showed you how when you were about 5 maybe even as old as 6. The memories that play back the mosti n my head involve some sort of a fishing pole something to do with walking along the walter and strying to find the perfect hole no ive not caught any monster ive never had anything that would have gone up on the wall thats not why im there yes i would love to get something that would blow everyones mind but theat not why i wish i was fishinhg. I got a lot on my mind right now like how am i going to provide for my self and make any money in the long run or how in the world do i sit back a relax and enjoy the life that he has placed befoer me is the times that i dont know that haunt me it s the moments that im stuck in  a classroom just thinking of othere things besides you. Why are theses memories here and what exactly do they all mean are they times when i was happpy or are they times when i wasnt even all there who really knows and whhy do i do whhat i do. The best moments and the best answers i get when my toes touch the  water.
It was easir as it went along. Like what if you were able to actually work out and the older you got the more in shape you got because it got easier now in the terms of working out yes that is a case where it can get easier the long you work at it , or what if death became eaiser like it was something that just happened with out a warning or something that we could just ask for and boom it would happen. What if life got eaisser at it went along some of you may say well duh it is getting easier as we are going along and othere would disagree completely well lets take a look at somehting that does get easier sas you go along. Hum thinki about it working out if you are trying to stay the saem as you were the day before you are not making it any eaiser or any harder so the point of working out has goone to shame and you should nt be there in the first place now aht about like how is it any easier as you go alongyou start out in a school room at age five and you whine you whine and you whine because you dont wannt to tbe there but allong the way yea it easy its just school dont have to do much get to hang out with the ohte kids your age and relax now lets look at as you are going to school do you learn studpid things that you already have knowledge about like do you start out in kindergarnd adn learn about physics and geometery no cause you mind cant grasp those thing they can spit off something that sounds right but you wount fully understnd things like that until you have some easier classes. you starto uot in this life having it easy schoool is paid for you lunch are paid for you and everything is give n to you o n a silver platter growing up in schoool but think about in k you get 3 recess and then slowly oce you move to 3 grad eyou oly get 2 recess and then wonce you get to 5 6 grade they take away another one and you are left 1 not very much time to adjust and get us eto it right its getting harder or how bout when you get to high school the classes are double the hard of jr high you have to write papers without any help from your teacher or without knowing exactly what the whole thing is a bout. how about when you sit back and really do some fishing or play basketball does the game become easier as you grow up well yes the aspect of the game are on e in the same but the competeition get much more fierce. When i think about why i am even writing this it is an excuse it is just something so i can complain about how pitaful and hard my life ihas become know that i dont know anything.
What if i could walk on cluods =. How much different life woudl be whyat would you consider normally am i the only one that is able to walk on clouds. or are tehre others out there that would be walking aroudn with me. See if there is others that are walking with me than it wouldnt be very much fun because than i wouldnt have a lot to think about i would just be  normal guy who would do what he wants when ever he wants, Lets say thought that there is only three peeople who can walk on clouds. Me ol Jeffery and Shelia now what would you do if you could walk on clouds. First off i would more than likely dress up in a red jump suit and have a grow a sweet moustache for one. I wouldnt really know how to conduct myself besides looking for coins and other little flying turtles to bounce off of. That being the case that i would be Mario because he is the only person i know that is walking on clouds he bounces a lot of of them and then i would have to watch out for bowser just lurking for me and the end of the clouds thinking he was some sort of a giant now a days. Could y ou imagine someone.

Loopers are they Real or WHAT?

Fear what does it mean? I actually just watched a movie last night where their life depended sully  on fear weather they lived or died was the fact if they would portray fear or if they could keep it inside of them and not show it on the outside. This movie was After Earth it has Will Smith as a Ranger who comes to earth after it is already destroyed and all the human life if off of it kinda like every will smith movie if you get right down to it. But there was aliens who could smell the fear and the only way you could be not noticed as to replace your fear with something else and the best way to do that as to bring up memories that were positive and made you believe in them that nothing was going to happen. Also i think fear is just a idea it is not something that is concrete fear is a sin that is feed to us as we are growing up that we are going to be afraid of the man in book or that we are afraid of the object in the closet that is going to come get us and all that is a an imagination running wild. Now do i think it is good to have a little fear yes its is good to have a little fear like when you have a bear whose 3 times your size just walking beside you if your not afraid you may just get malled and ate for there dinner but if you have a little fear and you runn like the devil has your butt on fire than you just may live its not a bed thing but hey what else is fear it is good it is bad but if you're afraid of everything in the world then you are going to be an emotional train wreck y our entire life you cant just sit around and be sacred to not go after your dreams if you only sit around and do nothing then you are be afraid that you are going to fail. I also have had a major amount of fear oin my life I use to be afreaid that my faily was not real anymore i use to also be afraid that my life wasnt good enough and that everything i was striveing to get towards was just a made up fantasy that no body would ever be a part of. you may aske you self why how or what in the hell are you talking about and im going to ell you that ive been ono a lot of stuff ive tried a lot of things and those things would alter the course of my life forever i was afraid of the fesar that i would never be good enough to wal k around and actually seee my family or my life was going to be such a train wreck they would abandon me. I was also afraid yof you ive been there people ive seen the nasty side of it trying to take on my ouwn thoughts and just make my own path becasue it wasnt the way i needed to walk in life. I hate FEAR I ABSOLUTELY HATE FEAR it is a ball and chain to my life. when i think i can go out and do wsomehting worth while it also sdrags me back in and takes a hold om me life what are you going to do today or how are you going to react to this trouble or the struggle thsat life areou about tho through you today. Why is it there Why do you have to controll my life I dont know i dont have the answer and i never whill have all the anseer b ut good golly and am i going to try and figure those question out because there nothing i would reather do than be on this earth nd no everything. Just like Will Smith in everyone of his moies he is the last man on earth or the fate of the earth dependes on him and what else is he going to do but make it safe foe everyone he is the captian he is the man in charge no fear runs through that mans body he took off killed the thought said this is just a made up feeling that only exist in my brains. what do you feel, what do you hear, and what do you see now channel all of those into one feeeling channel all of that into one thought of how you are going to sucessed uin yourlife i knever will understand the way he does that.

Just a made up feeling that only exist in my brain, so why do you think we make up idea or that we make up thoughts its not hat we are here doing something or that our life is just like a bed a roses your memeories stick they are here to stay and when you bring those back up it will cause us to be murderous or it was cause us to go in a bad way. I will never understsand why the momories i want to stay in my brainare not there anymore its like i can remeber things from 5 or six years ago but when i try to think about all the memories i had like just last week they are goon its like my short term memories has struggled or faded away to nothing its like i cannot retain idea or i can not retains thoughts and memories unti about a year later and i think of it. i dont know if these memories that i think up oare even real or if they are just made up any more its like im sail throught his life on a ship hitting the corners of the universe just make up things as i go. which scarese the shit our of me excuse my language everyone but it does. have you ever had teh thought of is this real or is this just something that is comeing back to haunt me in the future. I have many of those stories it probably doesnt help most of those storyies happen when i had injested to many of somehitn gor droop to many of siomething but my mind remembers then claear it remembers all of thos instense ehen i couldnt nremmber one thing in my head at the time but the next day i was tryoing to rap my heead around why life happends the way it doesn or why in the world am i here. They were all made up emotionals in my head or i guess in my breain i had about the way my life shoudld have becomje they weree instense that i could noever forgot they m ade me run to things i never thought imaginable in those day smade em regret all the thing si had ever done in my life and had me think ing that the best way to geto ut of this story was to get all the pieces that made up my story out of here, they maeeme levae people i never thought i would leave, and say adioad to the things i once held dear. i would never in a million years think that i would find myself laying in a hosptial bed not knowiing where i wa at or not knowing if this as real or not i just would sit back hit it once maybe twice, and go on about my day not ever drinking the water or thanking in the fresh air that surrounded my life on every side but the one right in front of my face i could see anything i was blinded like a hourse in the derby i have blinderes on and man where they on tight i couldnt free myself from thos blinder it took my 2 years to find the screw thtat would loosen it and it didnt even com e in a driver form it came in the form of a man, Taylor he wasw my best friend in the world he was there for me hen i sat doen on the side of the road and everyone would look at my with out a shirt on  and no shoes and just question what is wrong with that madn why is he there is he a bum or jis he just crazy this is the west side of town it could be any of those option si took off and i ended up in a hosptial bed have a heart attack at the age of 20 i knever knew how to handle myself i never knew that my life was going down thee gutterball lane it just happened and there was nothing anybody couolld say or do to make it change that until he came along and just straiaght u ptold hme man we are getting there we are going to make it and stay strong. h e was right were were about to die.

Gutterball
Hum well the first thing you think about when you see this word. Is it bowling, is it a strange life you lived when you were younger being teh Gutterball man, Or is it hey that word is is miss spelled. Well gue3ss what pepole you will learn very quickly that i am a terrible speeling and i will mess things up all the freaking time spell check somethime doesnt even know how to correct the things i spell. Back to gutterball thou this word can means all kinds of things to you it can take you off in a tangent or it could confuse you when some sone says it and think they said butterball an old nick name you us to have in high school that drove you to the bowling alley where you got called it in the mean time bowling strike after strike after strike. But the name coud never evade you it would stick with you night and day night and day the image of the guys at the lockers saying whoa every body watch tere feet better have a hold of something here come mr butterball down the hall way. The places you have been the things you have been thorugh adn the countless times that you wanted to just strickly bring that gun to school and blast the learder of the Butterballl group buat you didnt you sat back you took it you were letteing karma work its job you let go of all the things you use to once hold dear likfe self pride and the strong will you once had. Now you took it to the bowling alley every tuesday and thurday night you would jump on the E5 bus heading toward down town with bowling ball in hand you would sit with your old phillips headphones in one ear and the othere ear pressed against the cold window where so many had placed it before. The ride only took you 20 mins but seems like an enternity because it was the only place they didnt call you a butterball. It was your only escape goat from the cruel walls of that prison you called high school. When you got to the Bowling alley the man in the front knew you by Name didnt call you butterball or anything else just said what Fred and got you your shoes and told you hey man your down on lane 6 have a good night. You would place your bal on the rack and head to the chair to slip off your shoes and place the what looked like 1970 shoes on, you ever wondered if the bowling alley really changes those shoes or not, or if they have been around since they opened up i dodnt think ive ever had a pair of shoes that looked different that is  a wierd though fred always had when he sat down. He thought about asking and then went on about his day. When it came to 5:48 on the clock he started to bowl and man was he feeling good, he didnt have a care in the world just the ball and his lane the first was never good it was only a warm up, some of you guys may no where im coming cause if you ever get beat in the first game it was just a warm i havent bowled in years what else am i suppose to do but bowl another and hope that i win that game. Well Freds next game went off a little better got in 6 strikes and not a open frame. He was Content.

Jung Tyopology

In my test i scored an ISTP rating of I 11%, S 12% T 24% P 53% looking at these results form the test I would mostly agree with what it said. The generalized idea of someone being a loner or somebody who does there best thinking or their best work outside of the classroom or on the own. Which I would agree with for self just yesterday i needed to think and i took off and rode my motorcycle for 3 hours so i could be by myself without any one or music playing in the background.
Now in the writing subject it says that I may offend readers by my blunt way of putting things and I totally agree when i write or even in life I'm about getting the task done I'm about bringing it to you rather than worrying how you will feel about it after you read it. Now this may stem from the fact that am a do it now think about it later type of personality as well. I also enjoying writing smaller pieces than long papers i think throughout the years and the year if I wrote shorter pieces possibly everyday i could put together a long paper with it.
I enjoy this test and I really want to take the full version I believe this is an amazing test and would love to see what the full version offers me more about what kind of writer i may become or how I can excel as a writer in the future.

Getting Away

So back in the day I owned a Ford F150 and i thought i was the shit. I drove it like i didnt have any worries in my life took off down the interstate like a bat outta hell, tear up the country roads like they were made for just me and nobody else, you have to remember that i was only 16 and i had rode with my brother and my cousins my entire life watching what they do. They also had the same truck just mine was newer version than there so i knew how it drove and understood everything on how to handle it and the top speeds. My brother had been caught doing a 110 in a 55 and walked away with out anything to worry about just said son get you girl home and let him leave or at least that was the story that i got from him i will never really know if that the truth or not but that's his story and he is sticking to it. Now this is what happened with me I live out in the country as some of you may now realize my house is about 15 miles out of the city and there is never a cop to be seen from the city to the country road i call my home. it had been a long night in the big city of Stockton and I was racing home to make it back before my midnight curfew it wasn't at all when i should have left for a normal person to get from ash grove to Stockton or vise verse it would take about an hour now me ive made the trip in about 30 mins sometime running on the fumes because i was young and dumb. I had noticed coming across the state park that somebody had been tailing me and didnt think to much about just hey someone else is doing the same thing here i let it go and keep my eyes on the road because doing 100 you shouldn't be looking at to many other things the then road. Went through everton with out a hitch nobody on my back just ripping up the highway letting the motor run. Then it came to ash grove i had only 7 mins to get back in my driveway and into the house before i would get called out on it. I tore threw ash grove knowing the speed limit was only 35 but hey i could make it home in 5 mins and have time to change clothes before i had to walk inside if i ripe through it going 70. Sure enough once i got outside the city limit i saw him sitting there just posted up on farm road 116 not even with his lights on probably just coming into town before his shift ended and boy was i running top out 95 before he even saw he. Left him in the dust and boom lights on car turned around i knew i was screwed thought man i cant be late cant be missing this curfew for the second time this week ill be screwed the thought of getting ticket for 60 over never crossed my mind well he was approaching quickly seeing that i was slowing down he was in a dodge charger so he had loots more power than i did he could catch me without even trying. I shut the lights off and pulled down our road and he followed knowing where I was headed because he had seen me drive plenty of times in the past. As my tires squalled around the last turn i knew i was in freedom but his lights popped over the top of the last hill and my heart came back up in my throat. By this time my lights had been off for about 3 miles and i didn't give two craps what was in front of me. Deloris drive way was coming up and i knew that was my getaway, i tore into their driveway and up into the woods shut the truck off and hid, and hid did i do for sure. by this point i would have made it home with still a minute to spare but cant be walking into the house with the cops pulling up so i sat their deep in the woods of somebody i hardly knew hoping they didn't hear me tear up their driveway in my get away. I watched at the officer slowly searched and went up and down the road countless time until after 20 minutes he decided i got the best of him and he drove off. I still was freaking out so i sat around for another 10 mins just to make sure, and as i back out of the woods i realized I'm was in the home stretch, or so i thought. Once I walked in the door i was in for a whole new challenge i had forgot about my MOTHER. But that's another time an another story

Fishing down at Ol Johnny Boys

The road came to a stop and you had to pull off into a field which looking at it you couldnt tell ther was even any plae to fish at. You went over the ever popular cattle rails when so many farms back in Ash Grove use. Now you may be asking yourself what is a cattle rail well thats when you have a a series of concrete rails in the ground about 5 inches apart so the cattle dont step into them and you dont have to a have a gate to open every time you enter the field you can just drive in but they wont walk out because they wont put there hoves in a spot that is open and they could get causgth in. As you passed the cattle rails you came into a non manicured field that ol Johnny boy never did take care just let it grow and sometime let the cattle graxe onit at. Had our own little secet way to river though you had to pass to a huge metal building some called the hanger, resembleing a old wwII or earlier building they would store tanks or larges trucks in. And down a hills into a breath taking and perfect little fishing hole, Also the river was Joe Hatchs land we had permission to get to the river from which would have been a easier task all together but whats the fun in doing something the easy way, and besides it had become a ritual to go through the hanger and feel like we were special agents on a mission to get  to the river. Ill never forget the first time we all went down there to fish.
The gang consisted of John of course the owner, well lets back that up the son of the owner we were tearing up the fields on. Then we had Taylor, so would consider the clown of our group and city slicker, we never really thought T could fish at all but he came. The other two that came with us that day well they were upperclassmen the seniors of our school, not like it really matter one was my cousin Evan, me and him grew up probably about a mile away

Logs of Lincoln

Lincoln log or is it the log that Lincoln sat sat on when he was a we little baby. Now that is a question on a few can answer or can we all answer that. lets think back to at time when when Lincoln would have been sitting down. Is there an image in your head yet or are you still trying to picture who Lincoln really was. No i'm not talking about the car even though that would be quite humorous to see a Lincoln car centered on a log. NO im talking about the sixteenth maybe the fifteenth president of the united states i never was good at history in school often makes me cringe and my brain to hurt. No i have the vision of Abraham Lincoln sitting down in his living room not on a nice cozy sofa like some of us have with leather or suede as the chair but his chair would have been made out of wood or a an old log that where i got Lincolns Log he would have chopped down a tree or hired somebody to chop down a tree seeing as he was the president probably didn't have a whole lot of time to be chopping down trees and all seeing as the civil war was breaking out at this point and ending slavery and all probably was a pretty busy man unlike myself unlike most of the people in this world, some might even say unlike out current president  who just sits around and make up new law an new things that challenge us to be something we aren't challenge us to walk around and rack our brain and wanting to take up a log and bust um over the head. See this life is a bed a roses haunting me and wanting me to watch me bleed in agony. Why is that line so engraved in my head its like i run i sprint away from what has been locked up  in my mind but yet that line it just always comes back in some way some creepy way its scares me and it s just tears me up i cant leave you being its the only thing that keeps me wanting more and more its the one true desire i have in my life unlike Mr Lincoln who was trying to get equal rights for the black man all im trying to do is get equal barium in my own mind in the waves that bounce from the corners of my head to the other side its like a gun just went off boom and the bullets is bouncing around tearing things apart not finding an ending place but the parts that are important are cover by a bullet proof best they have things on op of them that dont care who enter or what objects take a hold its all about the past aits all about memories that ive shared back in my youth Ill never forget the times when i was growing up i would take Lincoln logs and destroy my bother with them.