Fear what does it mean? I actually just watched a movie last night where their life depended sully on fear weather they lived or died was the fact if they would portray fear or if they could keep it inside of them and not show it on the outside. This movie was After Earth it has Will Smith as a Ranger who comes to earth after it is already destroyed and all the human life if off of it kinda like every will smith movie if you get right down to it. But there was aliens who could smell the fear and the only way you could be not noticed as to replace your fear with something else and the best way to do that as to bring up memories that were positive and made you believe in them that nothing was going to happen. Also i think fear is just a idea it is not something that is concrete fear is a sin that is feed to us as we are growing up that we are going to be afraid of the man in book or that we are afraid of the object in the closet that is going to come get us and all that is a an imagination running wild. Now do i think it is good to have a little fear yes its is good to have a little fear like when you have a bear whose 3 times your size just walking beside you if your not afraid you may just get malled and ate for there dinner but if you have a little fear and you runn like the devil has your butt on fire than you just may live its not a bed thing but hey what else is fear it is good it is bad but if you're afraid of everything in the world then you are going to be an emotional train wreck y our entire life you cant just sit around and be sacred to not go after your dreams if you only sit around and do nothing then you are be afraid that you are going to fail. I also have had a major amount of fear oin my life I use to be afreaid that my faily was not real anymore i use to also be afraid that my life wasnt good enough and that everything i was striveing to get towards was just a made up fantasy that no body would ever be a part of. you may aske you self why how or what in the hell are you talking about and im going to ell you that ive been ono a lot of stuff ive tried a lot of things and those things would alter the course of my life forever i was afraid of the fesar that i would never be good enough to wal k around and actually seee my family or my life was going to be such a train wreck they would abandon me. I was also afraid yof you ive been there people ive seen the nasty side of it trying to take on my ouwn thoughts and just make my own path becasue it wasnt the way i needed to walk in life. I hate FEAR I ABSOLUTELY HATE FEAR it is a ball and chain to my life. when i think i can go out and do wsomehting worth while it also sdrags me back in and takes a hold om me life what are you going to do today or how are you going to react to this trouble or the struggle thsat life areou about tho through you today. Why is it there Why do you have to controll my life I dont know i dont have the answer and i never whill have all the anseer b ut good golly and am i going to try and figure those question out because there nothing i would reather do than be on this earth nd no everything. Just like Will Smith in everyone of his moies he is the last man on earth or the fate of the earth dependes on him and what else is he going to do but make it safe foe everyone he is the captian he is the man in charge no fear runs through that mans body he took off killed the thought said this is just a made up feeling that only exist in my brains. what do you feel, what do you hear, and what do you see now channel all of those into one feeeling channel all of that into one thought of how you are going to sucessed uin yourlife i knever will understand the way he does that.
Just a made up feeling that only exist in my brain, so why do you think we make up idea or that we make up thoughts its not hat we are here doing something or that our life is just like a bed a roses your memeories stick they are here to stay and when you bring those back up it will cause us to be murderous or it was cause us to go in a bad way. I will never understsand why the momories i want to stay in my brainare not there anymore its like i can remeber things from 5 or six years ago but when i try to think about all the memories i had like just last week they are goon its like my short term memories has struggled or faded away to nothing its like i cannot retain idea or i can not retains thoughts and memories unti about a year later and i think of it. i dont know if these memories that i think up oare even real or if they are just made up any more its like im sail throught his life on a ship hitting the corners of the universe just make up things as i go. which scarese the shit our of me excuse my language everyone but it does. have you ever had teh thought of is this real or is this just something that is comeing back to haunt me in the future. I have many of those stories it probably doesnt help most of those storyies happen when i had injested to many of somehitn gor droop to many of siomething but my mind remembers then claear it remembers all of thos instense ehen i couldnt nremmber one thing in my head at the time but the next day i was tryoing to rap my heead around why life happends the way it doesn or why in the world am i here. They were all made up emotionals in my head or i guess in my breain i had about the way my life shoudld have becomje they weree instense that i could noever forgot they m ade me run to things i never thought imaginable in those day smade em regret all the thing si had ever done in my life and had me think ing that the best way to geto ut of this story was to get all the pieces that made up my story out of here, they maeeme levae people i never thought i would leave, and say adioad to the things i once held dear. i would never in a million years think that i would find myself laying in a hosptial bed not knowiing where i wa at or not knowing if this as real or not i just would sit back hit it once maybe twice, and go on about my day not ever drinking the water or thanking in the fresh air that surrounded my life on every side but the one right in front of my face i could see anything i was blinded like a hourse in the derby i have blinderes on and man where they on tight i couldnt free myself from thos blinder it took my 2 years to find the screw thtat would loosen it and it didnt even com e in a driver form it came in the form of a man, Taylor he wasw my best friend in the world he was there for me hen i sat doen on the side of the road and everyone would look at my with out a shirt on and no shoes and just question what is wrong with that madn why is he there is he a bum or jis he just crazy this is the west side of town it could be any of those option si took off and i ended up in a hosptial bed have a heart attack at the age of 20 i knever knew how to handle myself i never knew that my life was going down thee gutterball lane it just happened and there was nothing anybody couolld say or do to make it change that until he came along and just straiaght u ptold hme man we are getting there we are going to make it and stay strong. h e was right were were about to die.
Gutterball
Hum well the first thing you think about when you see this word. Is it bowling, is it a strange life you lived when you were younger being teh Gutterball man, Or is it hey that word is is miss spelled. Well gue3ss what pepole you will learn very quickly that i am a terrible speeling and i will mess things up all the freaking time spell check somethime doesnt even know how to correct the things i spell. Back to gutterball thou this word can means all kinds of things to you it can take you off in a tangent or it could confuse you when some sone says it and think they said butterball an old nick name you us to have in high school that drove you to the bowling alley where you got called it in the mean time bowling strike after strike after strike. But the name coud never evade you it would stick with you night and day night and day the image of the guys at the lockers saying whoa every body watch tere feet better have a hold of something here come mr butterball down the hall way. The places you have been the things you have been thorugh adn the countless times that you wanted to just strickly bring that gun to school and blast the learder of the Butterballl group buat you didnt you sat back you took it you were letteing karma work its job you let go of all the things you use to once hold dear likfe self pride and the strong will you once had. Now you took it to the bowling alley every tuesday and thurday night you would jump on the E5 bus heading toward down town with bowling ball in hand you would sit with your old phillips headphones in one ear and the othere ear pressed against the cold window where so many had placed it before. The ride only took you 20 mins but seems like an enternity because it was the only place they didnt call you a butterball. It was your only escape goat from the cruel walls of that prison you called high school. When you got to the Bowling alley the man in the front knew you by Name didnt call you butterball or anything else just said what Fred and got you your shoes and told you hey man your down on lane 6 have a good night. You would place your bal on the rack and head to the chair to slip off your shoes and place the what looked like 1970 shoes on, you ever wondered if the bowling alley really changes those shoes or not, or if they have been around since they opened up i dodnt think ive ever had a pair of shoes that looked different that is a wierd though fred always had when he sat down. He thought about asking and then went on about his day. When it came to 5:48 on the clock he started to bowl and man was he feeling good, he didnt have a care in the world just the ball and his lane the first was never good it was only a warm up, some of you guys may no where im coming cause if you ever get beat in the first game it was just a warm i havent bowled in years what else am i suppose to do but bowl another and hope that i win that game. Well Freds next game went off a little better got in 6 strikes and not a open frame. He was Content.
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